Halloween is upon us once more and it's the only day of the year where children are allowed to eat as much candy as they want, teenage girls get to dress up as their favorite reality stars, and adults have to be pleasant to masked men who show up uninvited at their door.
We here at SB Nation Inter Offside have decided to take a satirical and (hopefully) humorous look at what it would be like for us to go trick or treating in the Serie A neighbourhood.
We share a duplex with Milan and before the festivities kicked off they knocked on our door saying they couldn't afford any candy this year. They offered to take our old, past its prime sweets off our hands to give out to all of the revelers.
We felt sorry for them and gave up some York Peppermint Favallis, Choco Chip Ronaldough bites and some Sulley Belly candies.
With our first good neighborly deed out of the way we started our trek at Hellas Verona's house. We rang the doorbell and were met by a couple who were dressed up as Rush Limbaugh and Paula Deen.
They handed us candy one by one and it looked as if the visit would go off without incident until the couple started engaging us Inter kids with jokes of the politically incorrect variety. We quickly made an escape at our earliest opportunity venturing off to the next home for more treats.
There's always one home in the neighbourhood that gives out small change instead of candy and tonight was no different. An Old Lady answered when we knocked on the door at Juventus' place. She gave us the stink eye before handing us 31 cents and some of her special series B candies.
We then dodged a horde of teenagers dressed up as Lazio supporters on Vespas who tried to run us down. We hopped a few fences to safety before they eventually gave up the chase and turned their attentions to egging and toilet papering Roma's house (even though they share the place with the Giallorossi, so in essence they egged and TP'd their own residence. That's Lazio fans for you, ladies and gentlemen).
We saved the league mansion for our last stop of the evening as for some reason, we have never received an invite to one of their parties. Our initial fear was soon realized when a man dressed up as Gianluca Rocchi answered the door.
We wasted no time in bolting out of there even though he was giving out full-sized chocolate bars. That was definitely the most disturbing costume we had seen all night.
Flustered and a little winded we went home to count our loot when someone knocked on the door. We had already shut off the lights outside to signify that we were finished handing out treats for the evening.
However, that didn't stop a man who dressed up as FSW from banging repeatedly on our door before giving us an ultimatum to provide him with the highest quality chocolates in the next two minutes or else...